Please… respect the silence

In our fast-paced environments silence gets overlooked, underrated and under-valued. Silence can be so powerful that it seems foolhardy to deny its rightful place in our lives.

Silence is a space where so much can, and does, happen: thought, reflection, analysis, processing, meditation, acceptance, letting go, etc. What comes out of silence can often be transformative.

Introvert or Extravert?  

According to Jungian theory and the Myers Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) each of us has a preference for Introversion (I) or Extraversion (E) - on a continuum.

To cut a long story short, if your preference is for Introversion, you draw your energy from the internal and you probably “think to talk”. If your preference is for Extraversion, you draw your energy from the external and you probably “talk to think”.

There is no right nor wrong, better nor worse, way of being in the world. The point is that we are all wired differently. That’s a beautiful thing when it is understood, respected and valued. Less beautiful when difference is unjustly considered weird, wrong, threatening, inferior, etc.

One client leadership program I ran for over 5 years meant I got to work with and observe over 400 participants, in cohorts of 25 participants over 2 consecutive days. The people were different, but the patterns of behaviour were often the same. In any given group, I could safely expect that someone/s would actively resist; be attached to having the “right” answer; be late back from breaks; throw themselves in whole-heartedly; “help” me facilitate the group; talk over the top of someone in their rush to speak; etc.

Group forums like this can appear to suit the Extraverts much more than the Introverts. It’s usually the Extraverts who jump in and use the space to explore, get feedback, ask questions, be seen and be heard. (i.e. overtly demonstrate our traditional notion of leadership). The Introverts are more likely to be the ones sitting back a bit more. For chunks of time, we have no idea what (or even if) they are thinking because they are sitting in silence.

Are they demonstrating leadership?   

In our organisations, we seem caught up in thinking that the best leaders are those that demonstrate Extraversion – even if it is not their natural preference. That a leader speaks up, speaks out, has plenty to say, is the first, etc.

In my workshops (then and still) eventually every person is required to speak. They can usually choose when, but they can’t choose if.

I love being surprised when a participant, who has been sitting silent and seemingly “invisible” for long periods of time, finally speaks very wise and measured words that indicate they have been very present and focused the whole time. Their words can have the power to bring a new perspective, shift the discussion, and make others self-reflect. Thus, making a powerful and important contribution to the group. It becomes clear that during their period of silence, a lot has been going on and they may well have made more personal progress than those who have been the most vocal.

How do we get to hear the most valuable thoughts and ideas, regardless of who speaks first or loudest?    

Next time you are in a group setting, depending on where you sit on the E/I continuum, think about how you might find your voice, quieten your voice, create opportunities that give voice to others. To create and allow the spaces and pauses where change occurs and to step into those spaces when the opportunity arises.

And please..., respect the silence!